Can you help? On Sundays (and today, as this is posted early!), we give back to others by answering questions from other parents, homeschoolers & educators like us. Here is today’s question:
“I have a special needs child that I homeschool. What do you do on the days that seem to be a troubling day from the start? I am already over a week behind due to “bad days”. She has Sensory Integration Disorder among other things. I just need a way to keep her motivated. I have tried so many things. Any suggestions would be appreciated.” ~ Teresa
If you can help Teresa (and the rest of us who would love your opinion!), tell us what you think in the Comments section below.
Teresa, I have two special needs girls – an 11 yr old who is bipolar, sensory problems, ADHD, OCD, etc and an almost 13 yr old who is diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, tourette’s, and is probably on the autism scale. We have many bad days – most of our days involve some type of crisis.
I think the most important thing for you to remember is that a child can not learn when they are not OK. They may be too hot, or sleepy from meds, or have racing thoughts that intrude while they are reading. Whatever it is, teaching in these circumstance is like pushing that proverbial rock up a mountain only to have it fall down when you get to the top.
The second most important thing to remember is that your child must learn to function in the real world. Behavior is more important than spelling.
That said, make sure your own expectations are not inappropriate for your situation. How will you know? Trial and error mostly.
You can’t be behind in learning because you are where you are. Just take one day at a time and keep moving forward. Don’t compare your progress with anyone else’s. Just do your best and help your child to do their best. Then let go.
Linda in TN
I agree with Linda. We have a 15 year old with ADD, ODD, SI issues and a host of emotional problems from an abusive birth home.
Currently, we are having a lot of bad days. One of the things that helps her get back on track the fastest is “tomato staking” her. She is basically right next to me ALL day long. As I self-regulate, she is able to get herself back into her window of tolerance where she can learn again.
At a workshop, it was described like 3 windows of arousal. If I could figure out how to post the chart I made, I would do it.
The top window is labeled Sympathetic Nervous System Arousal. This is when your child is emotionally reactive, aggressive, impulsive, hyper defensive or frozen.
The middle window is where you want your child to be. It is the Window of Tolerance. Here, your child is still functional and able to think even though stressed. Emotions remain regulated and the child is able to stay socially connected. Consequences only work when the child is in this window. The child can only learn when in this window.
The bottom window is labeled Parasympathetic Arousal. Here the child is/ has hypoarousal, flat affect, numb, dissociated, collapsed, slowed, feeling dead, psychomotor retardation.
My sister is an OT and points out that especially if your child has a trauma or neglect background, the middle window is VERY NARROW.
Most of us can keep ourselves pretty well regulated and in the window of tolerance even under a decent amount of stress. Children with attachment and trauma issues cannot. Additionally, these children will not learn to self-regulate unless we as parents self-regulate.
(This chart was one of the best reasons for home schooling children adopted out of abuse or neglect that I have seen because if anything triggers your child out of the middle window, they cannot learn or function in society/ a classroom until they have reentered the window of tolerance.)
Hang in there. Your child will learn when able. Find a girlfriend and go for coffee or something. Sometimes the biggest help to my daughter is taking care of myself. 🙂 Praying for you!
The biggest thing I’ve learned as I homeschool my 11 yr old special needs son is that there cannot be a time frame to get things done. That was one thing that was so hard for him in public school and one of the reasons I chose to bring him home. However, I still pushed and tried to keep him on a schedule. I finally realized that the days we relax and get the things done that we can – not pushing to the frustration point – he is happy and can enjoy school. It’s true, that I worry about “keeping up”, my personality is to stay on top and be the best, but I have to let that go.
I’ve also let him flourish with things he loves. Mechanical things, outdoor things, building, archery, etc. He has even sewn his own scabbard for arrows. Anything HE is excited about can be a learning experience. We can read and study about those things. It will help him in real life.
“Behind” according to who? If you are homeschooling, then isn’t your family in charge of setting the pace?
If the student or parents needs a “mental health day” of no formal schooling, or minimal schooling, then go for it! That’s what you need. While they are young and under your care, you are doing them a greater service by teaching them how to deal with their different needs.
http://www.homeschooling.net/blog/homeschool/my-child-is-behind-in-school/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+DianeHopkins+%28Heart-to-Heart+with+Diane%29
I thought this article was really helpful as well
Hi Ladies,
I would like to send the questioner a copy of my book – Homeschooling the Challenging Child. Although I have kids with learning disabilities, I have info in the book about lots of different teaching/concentration/attention strategies. Please have her contact me and I’ll send it out to her.
Christine Field, christinefield@sbcglobal.net
hi there. I agree with all of the moms who wrote before. I have 2 boys, ages 13 and 11 on the autism spectrum. Whenever we’re about to get a drastic change in the weather, my oldest has a bad day. The best therapy I find is to snuggle with them on the couch with some heavy quilts and read out load to them. If I feel like I want to get math done that day, then I sit right next to them and help them every step of the way. But some days we can’t even do that. Then I get frustrated. The fastest way to a meltdown for them is for me to stress and start yelling. So, I leave the situation. I go do the dishes or laundry or check my e-mail. And we all get the chance to relax. You may be able to work in the afternoon or it may have to wait until the next day. But it’s your school and your child’s timing, so don’t worry about it. Meeting emotional needs is really what it’s all about. Thinking of you!
Christine, the question was sent through our Facebook page, so I'm not sure how easy it will be to track her down, but I'll give it a try. Thank you so much for your generosity! ~ Lori
I teach special education in the public school system. I also have a child with a disability. I have found that a really good occupational therapist can work wonders for sensory type issues. I know that the moms above are talking about a lot more than just sensory issues, but in my experience – both personal and professional – OT’s can be a life-saver!
I also agree with the people who pointed out that you should not worry about being on anyone’s schedule but your own. Take each day and accomplish what you can in that day knowing that you have done your best.
In the school system, things happen to get us off track too. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I imagine you are already doing this but consistency is really important. Kids can pick up on our feelings so be sure and take care and time for yourself. If you are tired, irratated, frustrated, then your child will probably reflect those feeling back to you. I’m not blaming at all – I’ve been there and sometimes still go there – You just have to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your child.
Take care!